One of the mums on our Boarding Schools Expo team is having trouble communicating with her teenage son. She’s fallen into the trap of lecturing and, while she knows he wants to hear less of her voice, that’s not how she’s wired.
When their son returned home from school camp recently, she took her husband’s advice. All she asked was “How are you doing?” – a sharp contrast to the usual 20 questions routine. But it worked! When he felt like it, he eventually opened up. Car trips are often great for getting a teenager to talk – because there’s nowhere else for them to go.
Our post to Facebook on Friday has another great strategy. It quoted Jim Higley, award-winning US author, who promotes the 30-second conversation strategy. When he feels the need to lecture, he starts out with: “I need 30 seconds to share something with you that’s been on my mind. Is your head in a good place to listen?” Once he’s said his piece (in 30 seconds or less), he asks the teen to come back later in the day with their thoughts.
Australian parenting expert, Michael Grose also sympathises with parents who feel frustrated by the monosyllabic grunts of their previously articulate adolescents. His suggested remedies include connecting via your child’s interests and date nights to give them one-on-one time with you.
Dan Haesler’s talks as part of our Expo series this year have also prompted our team to think about their parenting talk. Visit our website for a sneak preview of Dan’s presentation in Wagga on 14 June.