Homesickness affects people in different ways and often at different times. Sometimes it’s fleeting, other times it can hang around for a while. Everyone experiences it at one point or another and it is completely normal. But it can lead you to be tearful, upset, grumpy, moody and off your food. You can feel like running away, or that you have a permanent stomachache, feel exhausted and miserable, lonely and depressed. And I’m just describing how parents can feel when their kids are away at boarding school.
Homesickness strikes at odd times and can tear you down the middle. For me, I didn’t get homesick until third term of year 7. I had been having so much fun meeting new people, playing different sports, starting drama lessons, exploring Sydney on the weekends: it just hadn’t hit me yet. As my parents waved me off on the bus it finally hit me that I was living 600kms away from home and effectively, I was never going to live at home with my parents again. And my reaction wasn’t pretty, bordering on hysterical with teary phone calls and upset emails. I was hardly able to say goodbye to my family on the weekends when they came to visit. It sounds terrible and it was, not just for me but for my parents as well. But it only lasted for about two weeks. And luckily for me all of my fellow boarders had already been through this in term one and knew the best ways to help me get through it. That’s one of the most important things to remember with homesickness; it’s temporary, it’s normal and there are many ways to overcome it.
In all of the boarder success stories we have featured on our blog, everyone lists the great friendships you gain and the independence you learn. Throughout the whole time, parents must remain strong and supportive while no doubt suffering homesickness themselves at times. A very real and emotive account from the parents’ perspective can be found in a recent article published in The Weekend Australian Magazine titled Goodbye My Child by Trent Dalton. The article describes the experience of Steve and Lucy Upton from Charleville, QLD as their daughter started boarding at The Glennie School in Toowoomba.
The article can be found here and for any parents out there that haven’t shed a tear by the end of the article I applaud you.
This article emotionally details what many country mums and dads all over Australia (34 000 to be exact) go through when their children leave home to go to boarding school. After reading this article and consulting with other Boarding parents, we have put together bit of a survival guide to homesickness for parents and children. We hope this guide helps both you and your child through this challenging, yet rewarding educational experience.
HOW TO: Survive sending your children away to Boarding School.
Tips from Parents
A resounding answer from many of the parents was: Keep Busy!
Audrey, a mother of three boys from the Central West whose boys went to The Kings School in Sydney has the following advice:
“No phone contact for the first two weeks (this is a Kings policy and works really well). Seems harsh but as one housemaster said to us, for 95% it isn’t a problem but for the 5% who are wobbly, a phone call home can trigger feelings of sadness etc. in both kids and parents. Once two weeks is up they are usually over all the little dramas, are starting to enjoy themselves and can’t wait to tell you all about it! In the meantime faxes, emails and (shock! horror!) letters work really well, so they don’t feel completely cut off”.
Sascha, an Englishwoman with two children at Boarding School in London says;
“Don’t dwell on it, if you can’t change anything you have to just embrace the situation you are in. Try and change the negative into positive, it is a good thing. Anyway our kids are not there to make us feel happy and good about ourselves. I bet that it is usually when one feels particularly low, bored etc. that the missing is at it’s greatest, and when busy and happy probably don’t think about it quite as much!”
Sally, a mother from Central West NSW, has survived all four of her daughters going through Boarding School in Sydney.
“Do not sob in front of the children, save it for the garden or washing up but always remember the main reason your children are away.” Sally also recommends “Send them little parcels in the mail: $10 with a card, or some chocolates, a photo from home so they know that you are thinking of them and don’t feel like they are missing out.”
Tracey, whose only daughter went to Kinross Wolaroi school in Orange says that“Getting a pet to keep you company is a good idea.”
Tracey also recommends “Set structured phone call times as ringing as soon as the homesick feeling hits does not teach you to deal with overcoming the feelings. And most importantly, keep busy.”
From a Dad’s Perspective:
George, father of four girls who went away to Kambala Girls School, Sydney recommends “Talk to other parents who have been through or are going through the same thing so you can support each other and remind each other of the great opportunities you are giving your children. Try and distract your wife by taking her out to the movies or nice dinners, playing golf or tennis and encouraging her to focus her energies on something else that makes her happy.”
HOW TO: Survive homesickness from the kids’ perspective.
Tips from kids who used to be boarders:
- Keep busy
- Book a flight/train/bus home mid-term if you can so you have something to look forward to.
- Bring photos/pictures or things from home and hang them in your room/dorm.
- Go and get involved in an activity for the term: yoga, hip-hop dancing, play in a band, join another sports team. Do this in the mornings and afternoons so you don’t have time to think about home and feel sad.
- Start writing letters to your parents and siblings at home, they will love hearing your news and you can look forward to getting mail at the boarding house.
- Give yourself a treat to eat – some sushi from sushi-train, some lovely fresh fruit, a hot chocolate
- Go for a walk outside, get some fresh air and think about all the fun things you can do at boarding school
- Listen to your favourite music that you know will cheer you up
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help, cry or seek comfort from your friends or people in the boarding house, they understand what you’re going through and can suggest some things to take your mind off it.
- Keep a diary and write down all the fun things you have been doing and new things you are learning to focus your mind towards the positive.
Check out the second part of our Dealing with Homesickness story here.
If you have any great suggestions or tips for kids or parents experiencing homesickness please share them with us. We’d love to hear from you.