When we’re in the thick of the summer holidays, it can seem like an eternity until the school year starts again. Then one day the children are shipped off and parents are left with a ringing in their ears that was once filled with the noise of the kids. And it’s not just us parents feeling a little empty at the beginning of the year, even if they can’t wait to get back to school, at some stage our kids usually have to deal with homesickness. It can be heartbreaking to be on the end of the phone when that happens. It’s never easy but there are ways to soften the blow.
Experts at the Institute for Educational Advancement say missing home is a normal part of going to boarding school, in fact they call it a ‘planned separation’. Although everyone is different, quite often students feel excited in those first few weeks, but that gives away to homesickness in about weeks 2-4. It usually doesn’t last and the experts say it’s best for parents not to dwell on the fact.
Here are a few tips to help your kids overcome homesickness:
1. DON’T MENTION IT
It seems counter-intuitive but mentioning homesickness can remind children of how they feel or even make them feel sad when they didn’t before. I always wanted to ‘talk it through’ with my kids but really that was more about reassuring myself than helping my children to become resilient. Overall, it’s better to steer the conversation to more positive points of being at boarding school.
2. STAY POSITIVE
We all fall into a rut at times and find it hard to see the good stuff. If you feel your child is a bit down, remind them of all the good reasons why they’re at boarding school and reassure them of the love they have at home.
3. LISTEN AND ENCOURAGE
We all want to be listened to and your child is no different, so when they do call, make sure you take time to sit and listen to them without distraction. If they’re feeling unsure encourage them by reminding them of just how capable they are.
4. DON’T WORRY
Yeah right. I know it’s easier said than done but often kids call during crisis times – they might have had a fight with a friend or are facing a big exam – it’s often not as critical as it seems at the time. Don’t be like me and overreact only to find out it’s all forgotten in a days’ time – if only I could get back all those nights I spent worrying! Remember to listen to your child but then check in again the next day to see how things are going for a more realistic view on the situation.
5. EMAIL AND TEXT
A quick photo of the family dog doing something funny or an update on how things are going on the farm can really help to lift spirits. This is not about getting into a big conversation but just a quick way to say ‘we’re all thinking of you’.
I took a very silly photo of our family dog with a viking hat on and sent it to my children when they were away at school. I can’t remember why I had put the hat on the dog but I do remember getting an almost instant response from my kids, it was a great way to stay connected.
6. CARE PACKAGES
There’s nothing like a box of goodies from your family arriving in the mail. It might be their favourite biscuits, or lollies (Starburst were a hit in my family), something someone has knitted or sewn, a photo or even a few extra special toiletries – think of what will make them smile and wrap it in a box to send.
The transition back to boarding school is hard on everyone so it’s good to keep the bigger picture in mind. And don’t forget that learning how to deal with uncomfortable feelings like homesickness is an important life skill in itself.