How do we make sure our kids at boarding school aren’t spending their lives on the phone when we can’t get off the darn things either?
This morning my beloved farming husband got out of bed, had a stretch, asked out loud ‘I wonder what the day will be like?’ and then quickly checked his phone to see what sort of weather we were in for. When I asked him why he didn’t simply look out the window he seemed perplexed. The world has gone mad and so have we.
In this technology saturated environment it can be hard to know what’s of benefit, what’s detrimental and what’s downright dangerous when it comes to phone use. Let’s face it, if we can’t curb our own Facebook time then how do we expect to put limitations on our children, especially when they’re out of our sight at boarding school.
In my house dinner time had dissolved into a conversation-less smartphone rally. Something that was once treasured family time was spent physically at the table, but mentally elsewhere. The phones were placed slightly to the right of our dinner mats, in between the forks and the water glasses for easy access. Something had to give. So we have ALL agreed, that’s me and MB too, that phones are to be in the other room when dinner is served. It’s one of many examples of how vulnerable we are to today’s enticing world of technology.
A recent study into teens’ sleep after using mobile phones has proven what many parents already knew – the more screen time before bed, the harder it is for teenagers to sleep. But it seems phones and tablets are here to stay, and they can be pretty handy when you want to send that quick text or photo of the family dog so how do we manage mobile phone use in a safe and respectable way for our teens?
It is reassuring to know most boarding schools have a mobile phone policy that means your child won’t be spending the wee hours staring at a little screen. Check with your school, but the majority don’t allow mobiles during formal activities or after lights out at night.
But it’s not just about the time spent on the phone, it’s also about the content. Too often we hear about the dangers of cyber bullying, sexting and that general inability to live in the present world when our eyes are glued to a screen. These things are harder to have control over so it’s probably best that we try and instill a strong sense of self worth into our children. Young people who are ok with themselves tend to make better choices about what’s ok to share on social media.
And don’t make the mistake of thinking that what you see on your child’s Facebook page is all there is. Most young people use many different avenues for social media and Facebook is seen as the one to ‘keep clean for Mum and Dad.’ Instagram is used a lot more by teenagers than Facebook these days and apps like Snapchat are often where they share their lives in even more detail. If you want to know more about where your child is spending their time on social media then it’s best to get a teenagers view on social media.
Dr Justin Coulson (our guest speaker at the Boarding Schools Expo in Dubbo and Newcastle this year) is a positive psychology researcher, author, and speaker and says parents and teachers need to stop being so controlling.
“The best filter for our children’s phones and devices is the one between their ears – their brain,” says Dr Coulson.
“It’s up to us to take the time to help our children internalise smart phone usage habits (as opposed to smart-phone usage habits) so that they can make wise decisions without us breathing over their shoulders or checking in on them every chance we get.”
And how do we do that?
“There are no quick-fixes. Instead, it’s about perspective, patience, and plenty of conversations.”